Pseudologia Fantastica

One time when I was about 9 or so I told my friend Austin I was going to a performing arts academy in Boston for a year. He totally didn't believe me and neither did I. It was something I wanted to happen and I thought it would be fun to see if I could get him to believe me. I planned to come clean after I had deceived him long enough. I told my mom about my clever practical joke and she said that was dumb.... at least I think she did. I have vague memories of her disapproving and telling me not to lie. I realized how dumb it was and then immediately forgot about it and apparently so did Austin because he never brought it up in the last 14 odd years.... that I can remember.  I'm trying to be really honest here because I'm talking about lying and you know, glass houses etc. Anyway since then I've tried to be pretty honest. I say pretty honest because none of us is totally honest. Nobody remembers an event accurately so they can't recount it totally accurately.  Most people want to be seen as the hero of a story, so when we tell one about an event we (I) say what we meant and not what we said. I've noticed I have a tendency to conjecture rather than own my ignorance on a topic because I would rather try to figure something out and hide my ignorance than ask for help. Some of my favorite people are good at joke lies, like my actor buddies who start doing a bit to fool a new person and everyone catches on and joins in. Also like my friend from college who loved to convince people his nephew was his son, then when they said, "really?" he'd say, "I'm just messing with you." That stuff is normal....I hope. But lately I've been thinking about the most odd form of lying: compulsive or pathological lying.  Everybody knows one, every garden grows one. I've known four that I'm aware of. If I told you their stories you'd say you knew those people too. They always lie about having an impossibly cool job, a ridiculously awesome accomplishment, a pitiful disease, or my favorite, a high risk pregnancy. I was a theater nerd for years so the fibs I heard were all performance- related. These kinds of lies are not uncommon among children and teens.  Probably everyone in Utah knows a girl who claimed to be in High School Musical. We all knew a girl who wore a huge cast after a minor injury. As an adult they get better at it. I've met compulsive liars who are smart, kind, talented people who you would never believe we're liars. They act so humble and unassuming when they lie that they can't possibly be lying right? As a kid it's like, "duh you didn't see Michael Jackson at 7-11." As an adult is like, "I'm pretty sure you weren't Meat Loaf's roady but you do seem like you may have carried heavy equipment." Or, "If you're a public defender why do you have so much time to post Disney fan theories on Facebook? But the economy's in the toilet right?"
As an adult it seems like pathological liars get better at making up realistic bull crap that's harder to screen. Thaet's partly why they become harder to deal with. The other part is that directness is difficult as an adult.  As a kid you have fewer inhibitions so calling people out isn't that hard; you just say, "nuh-uh" then you just don't play with them. As an adult embarrassing people is rude so we hesitate to say, "nuh-uh."  I think we all sort of find pathological liars a little baffling. It's easy to understand an external motive like hiding an addiction, manipulating to get gain, covering up a crime, shielding loved ones from harmful facts, or protecting the public from the knowledge of the existence of aliens from other planets (don't tell me you buy that weather balloon hogwash); but when you meet someone really very nice and fun who tells you outrageous things that you can't believe and you know you would like them even though they didn't do those things and you would like them better if they didn't claim to do those things you're like...... why? Why bother?  The easy answer, the one mental health professionals seem to endorse is low self esteem. Basically they are trying to impress everyone. But to me that seems so simple, too simple really. We all want to be liked, but most of us don't make up elaborately detailed stories to try and court favor. So something else is at work right? According to trusty old Wikipedia there have been studies that show that compulsive liars have similar childhood experiences, parents with mental illness and the like. Some 40 per cent or so have brain and spinal cord abnormalities. Many have...you know.... frontal lobe..... white-matter.... thingy, okay I'm not a doctor, but they're brains do seem to be different but who knows if that's genetic or if their brains have responded to patterns of use. The internet also suggests that many therapists treat pathological liars by addressing the addictive aspects of lying as well as the underlying self esteem issues. So are there recovering liars? Is there a liars anonymous support group?  I actually found a sight that provided resources and support for pathological liars who want to overcome their lies. The soft said that therapy for chronic lying (as with anything) is only effective if the lair recognizes the condition. However, the internet also seems to think it's possible that pathological liars believe their own fantasies. That's terrifying. In that case,  how does someone recognize they are a liar? We've all had weird stuff happen when no one's around. Who would believe those things? But if we remember them we know what happened. At least when people are manipulating they know they are lying, when someone denies an addiction they know they are lying. But if it's possible that your fondest memories are fake, then how do you know what's real? As one who has played in the leaves at the bottom of the hypochondria tree (though never climbed the trunk and eaten the apples) I worry about these things. I was at a wedding last weekend with a bunch of college buddies and as I told them some of the weird things about working at a psych hospital (at least the ones I can tell without violating HIPAA) I thought, "this stuff sounds made up." Often I tell an awesome story about a drunk guy who called me a great young talent and when I do I think, "that sounds made up." When I wrote that post about my dreams many of them sounded made up and some of them were so hastily described that I don't think I conveyed them right. So how do you all know I'm not a pathological liar? I have memories of all the stories I tell. I'm pretty sure I work in a psych hospital....I keep showing up there. I'm pretty sure I met Mike Birbiglia.... my friend Andrew was there. I'm also reasonably certain Colin Meloy looked at me during a Decemberists concert..... Oh who am I kidding of course he looked at me. But how can I ever be sure of the rest of it? People seem to believe my stories, but maybe they just don't know how else to react because they sound a little like they might be true. I'm pretty sure I'm not a compulsive liar. But I can't know for sure so I try to at least call myself out on the stuff I know is crap. But maybe even if I am it's not a big deal. Psychologists really don't seemed too worried about it. Compulsive lying is apparently not in the DSM, so it has no official diagnosis. It is very sparsely researched and most professionals see it as a symptom of a personality disorder not as a disorder unto itself. Soooooooo looks like they are none too worried about chronic liars unless they are also sociopaths. Most people also don't seem too worried about chronic lying. Annoying as it is does it really kill anyone if your friend thinks he was one of the Stone Temple Pilots (stoned? Stone? *shrug*)? So what do you do with a drunken sailor? I mean compulsive liar. Well, I don't actually know but Wikihow.com had some good suggestions (with pictures!). They suggest keeping a journal of the lies, acting unimpressed by elaborate lies, patiently and politely pointing out lying patterns. They repeat often that patience is key and that you should always let the liar know that you care for them and ate trying to help them. Of course if you don't have a particular fondness or desire for friendship with the pathological liar in your life then you can always just... you know... avoid them, maybe make up a good excuse or something.  I'm kidding! Or am I? We never determined if my new horrors are real or not, I might still be a pathological liar. But I guess that's not a big deal, at least not add big a deal as hypochondria, OCD, or autophobia, ago of which I think I have so I better go wash my hands before I hurt someone.