Homework Paradox

I have this problem called I hate homework. That's dumb to say because no one really gets excited about it,  but I have complicated issues with it.

First off,  whenever I feel like there's something I have to do it automatically becomes the last thong I want to do, especially if it sounds like it will be really hard or boring or scary. The more a project scares me the less power I have to do it. I get all worried that I'm going to do it wrong or that I'll waste my time doing it the wrong way and then I get so anxious I just ent want to think about it anymore and I put it off for a while. When I was younger I would also serve my self a shame pie (to borrow a phrase from Jill Wilkes,  holla suu) and chastise myself for procrastinating, bit anymore I just figure it'll get done and be fine. But then I get laid back and stop putting any pressure on myself to do things ad nothing gets done.

Occasionally I get all motivated and try to get a bunch of stuff done at once or early and then I start making headway,  but I realize that I can work for hours and more work will come, so I don't see a point in hitting it all so hard.

Part of me knows that if I would just work steady and get a little done every night I wouldn't feel rushed and I wouldn't bury myself in a heap,  but that part is not as strong as the part that would rather turn on hulu and clean my house, or blog,  or do anything that sounds more rewarding than writing something I don't care about for a class I don't want to take.

There is no resolution to this post,  I hair wanted to rant.

Back in the Swing...and Internet Surprise!

So, there's this thing where I'd really like to get back into blogging. Partly because I'm thinking I should probably practice writing regularly so I don't get out of the habit, also I'm looking for a new project to help me avoid homework. I should also probably start publishing my comic again.....anyway, blogging is nice because while my comics take up hours at a time (which I feel guilty spending on anything that isn't homework) blogging takes up as much or as little time as I want. So yeah, its gonna happen. Also I like that with a blog I have an audience but its really not that big. That way I have some pressure to keep writing, but not enough to make me wary about what I write.

One thing that does make me wary is that I don't actually know who my audience is. I mean, I'm pretty sure the only people who ever check this blog are my mom and sisters, and I can't even hold their attention. But every now and then I get a little surprised by the scope of the internet. See, I discovered after I created my YouTube channel that you can check your stats on all your videos and blog posts. So I can see how many people have viewed my videos and blog posts, where those people are from, whether they are mostly male or female and what traffic source led them to my work. My videos cap out at about 60 or 70 views each, and my blogs don't get too many views either. That's not surprising. What is surprising is where those views are coming from and how people come to view my content. Its kind of fun when its telling in a good way. Like when I sent a link to my audition video to Colonial Williamsburg and Plimoth Plantation and two days later I had views from Virginia and Massachusetts. Its fun to see that other actors find my audition video when they search for Shakespeare Monologues on YouTube or Google. Its also really funny when Francis Scott Key is viewed in the UK, because then I imagine either my brother's Scottish friends checkin' out my work or that cool guy from "The Gears Keep Turning" laughing at my accent. But now and then I get a little disturbed. Like when I noticed that the most recent views of Francis Scott Key were coming from UAE, Yemen, and a few other middle eastern countries. I got a little worried that a bunch of Mid-Easterners were getting their first exposure to American culture via FSK...a disturbing prospect. Can you imagine growing up in a highly traditional patriarchal society and learning about America from a cartoon about the writer of the national anthem as a crime-fighter written by an actress? Yikes!

Worse than knowing where the views are coming from is knowing how your stuff was found. When I see that it was a search for the word "monologue" or "Francis Scott Key" on YouTube, or that my videos were found via one of my blogs I feel okay about life. See I have this blog and one of my others set up so only people who know the URL can find it. But my acting blog can be searched, just in case any directors want to look me up. So today I was checking my stats on that blog and found out that my two traffic sources for the last two or three views were sites used for finding porn on the internet. That one was puzzling. I have never posted tasteless photos, I have never written anything raunchy,  and I'm pretty sure there's nothing arousing about poorly drawn cartoons of Francis Scott Key meeting Alexander Hamilton's ghost....at least I hope their isn't. So yeah, pretty weird. I hope some dude got really pissed and disappointed  when my cartoon popped up on his screen. So there's my audience, my mom, sisters, a few well- meaning foreigners, and the odd perv. So probably I'll still have to be careful how much I write, but I'll probably write more personal stories than just the main things that have happened lately. So enjoy,  and try not to get too excited.