Belated Birthday Wish

I am officially the worst child in the world. This post comes a day late since I forgot to call my own mother on her birthday, which was yesterday. With costumer service training all week long and the season previews starting on Monday I couldn't keep track of the days and I missed my mama's birthday. So here is a penitent birthday shout out to my mother, who is the best mom anyone could have. When I used to wish we could adopt some of my friends so they could have a mom as good as mine. I love you momula, and I'm sorry I'm not a very good child. Happy Birthday and I super love you!

Life is Boring

So things have been pretty much the same ol' same ol' with me except for a few flickers of excitement. These include:
a) I can finally log my hours from work (Money will ensue!)
b) Stopped hacking up my left lung like an old man (grateful co-workers ensued)
c) Saw my first episode of glee (mild beingimpressedness ensued)
d) Went on killer double date with my cousin (skittle bowling ensued)
e) Played ultimate Frisbee with people I don't know (much sweaty unco-ordinatedness ensued)
f) Started work on a new blog of cheap date ideas that are unique and don't suck! (larger web audience and a lower level of lame-itude in this state to ensue upon inception)
g) Best of all: MY ROOM-MATE AND HETEROSEXUAL LIFE PARTNER IS BACK!!!!!!!!! (Girls night and making fun of Nicholas Sparks movies ensued)
h) Worst of all: Gary Coleman died in Provo at the age of 42 (Questioning of destiny and personal life goals ensued)

That's about it for me and in conclusion "The Notebook" can suck it.

Let me Bounce This Off Ya

So, I hope my dear devoted fans are not tiring of my ever-entertaining lists of never-ending awesomeness. But judging from the way the comments have slacked off recently, no one is paying attention. So in addition to today's ensuements I would like to include a discussion of an intellectual subject much on my mind of late, and poll my readers.

So here is what has ensued.

• Contracted mysterious illness in Wyoming. I think it had something to do with jackalopes. (three days of sleep ensued)
• Started summer job (waking up at 6:30 ensued.)
• Saw the young Victoria (drooling over the actor playing Prince Albert ensued)
• Returned to Cedar (missing my room mate terribly ensued)
• Went to a Bon fire (smelling like smoke ensued.)
• Read Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (fits of glee ensued.)

The last ensuement brings me to the topic brings me to the discussion I want to introduce: VIMPIRES!!!!!. First off, I have to say, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter is perhaps the most unique piece of historical fiction I have ever encountered. It sounds hilarious from the outset, and granted, it is, the idea of one of the most remarkable leaders our nation has ever known hunting down and brutally killing un-dead blood-sucking human monsters brings a chuckle. But the book's style is impressive. It is organized like a legitimate historical biography in the style of David McCullough's books. The author has even concocted a back story relating how he came across the secret journal of Abraham Lincoln which reveals his vampire hunting exploits. My only criticism of the book is that the author occasionally departs from the strict biographical format, often failing to format quotes and freely interpreting the thoughts of the characters. But in spite of the fact that the story would be more impressive if it didn't skip large expanses of time and if it adhered more to the strict format, it is well researched and takes itself very seriously. Yes, the idea of shy, gangly, bearded Lincoln as a ferocious killer is still funny, but for his character as Grahame-Smith has written it, it makes perfect sense. And all in all it made me want to learn more about the real Abraham Lincoln.

I think the greatest achievement of the book is bringing Vampires back to the realm of traditional sexy badassism. See, as everyone knows, the vampire lit focus has been drawn to Twilight. Most people under fifteen now know Vampires as Gorgeous scintillating marble statues with amber eyes who can often be sensitive and charming. Although this vision of vampires is unique it fails to give vampires the necessary weakness that keeps vampires from establishing a distopian society. The Lincoln Vampires, although differing slightly from traditional vampire lore (they go out in daylight and have black eyes) take their cues from tradition. They are evil, they can be staked through the heart or decapitated, and they do have plans to form a distopian society with humans in cages, raised like animals for the sole purpose of their sustenance. They fight dirty, have fangs, and they are scary.

So here is the poll, feel free to have a lively debate via blog comments and/or my facebook page:

1. Which is scarier, a zombies, or vampires?

2. Who would win in a fight, Edward Cullen or Barnibus Collins?

3. What should Seth Grahame-Smiths next book be? (Previous titles: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter)

Discuss.

New Ensuements

Things that have happened.

• Survived finals week (relief ensued)
• Won technician of the year award (surprise ensued!)
• Played lead in All-girl-one-act Dr. Faustus (Soul Selling ensued)
• Mom and Dad and some other cool people got to see said Faustus (fun ensued)
• Came home for a week (movie watching and sleeping ensued)
• Saw Trax Decker for the first time in two years (catching up ensued)

That's about it....see ya

What Has Ensued

A quick list of junk that has happened.

• Got a part in Fall semester production of Love's Labors Lost (Halleluias ensued)
• Lived through first weekend of Company (Singing Sondheim ensued)
• Finnished research portfolio (relief ensued)
• Did literal metric butt-load of homework (keeping scholarship will ensue)
• Watched LOTR a literal metric butt-load of times (Nirvana ensued)
• Got to see friends from the old EC (Costa Vida and Stories ensued)
• Finally saw the 70's-riffic cartoon version of The Hobbit (walking around singing, "fifteen birds in five fur trees..." ensued.)
  
• Filmed a PSA about texting and driving (trying not to wreck while pretending to text ensued)
• Was not hit by lightening during BFA audition (looking hot while doing it ensued)
• Died a wedding dress purple (awesome Arwen Costume to ensue)

Tip of the day:
When your friends get whiny, remind them of the starving babies in Africa...that'll shut 'em up...fer a minute.

List of the Day: Five Most Unpleasant Sensations.
1. Warm toilet seat (no matter how cold the house is)
2. Realizing at 10 pm that your five page paper is due tomorrow.
3. Removing spirit gum from your face with 91% alcohol (eye water central)
4. Someone pinching that place where your neck meets your shoulders (I can't get massages)
5. When someone grabs your arm while they're talking to someone else.

Nerdy Bits

Every so often I go on a Lord of the Rings binge. I watch all three extended editions in a matter of days, seriously contemplate putting "hobbit" under "race" on my driver's license, and have dreams about dating Sean Astin. Lately I have been on just such a binge. But this time I started reading the trilogy (I've only ever made it through Fellowship). I found this quote in the second chapter of the first book and it reminded me of home.

"I should like to save the Shire, if I could - though there have been times when I thought the inhabitants too stupid and dull for words, and have felt that an earthquake or an invasion of dragons might be good for them. But I don't feel like that now. I feel that as long as the Shire lies behind, safe and comfortable, I shall find wandering more bearable: I shall know that somewhere there is a firm foothold, even if my feet cannot stand there again."

I think anyone from a small town will understand this....nerdy as it is.

Here Come the List

Okay, new list but first, updates

• Managed Dance Concert from HELL!!!! (mui frustration ensued)
• Landed lead roll in all-girl three woman version of Faustus (awesomeness to ensue)
• Postponed researching English paper (hours at the Castle Dale Library ensued)
• Sang a cappella in church (nervousness ensued)
• Discovered Youtube video "taking the hobbits to isengard" (nerdy giggling ensued)
• Went home for spring break (hugs, kisses, shopping in Provo ensued)
• Watched The Shining in parent's basement (turning on Bubble Boy and humming happy songs ensued)
• Went back to Cedar after only three days at home (mui moping ensued)

So there's the updates. Now the list. This weeks list is the scariest movies I have seen in order of scariness.

1. Storm of the Century - I was ten when I watched it, I still pee my pants thinking about it.
2. Moth-Man Prophesies - Scary every time I see it.
   
3. Salem's Lot - Saw it at 17, bad bad bad bad bad idea!
4. The Sixth Sense - I think I was in Jr. High, slept with the lights on.
5. Psycho - Didn't shower the next day.
6. Skeleton Key - really not a nightmare inducer, but still freaky.
   
7. Troll 2 - Just kidding, it's actually hilarious how scary it's not.
   

so there you go. Enjoy the list.

I Miss The List

So I was going through some of my old posts, and I saw a list of celebrities I'd like to hug and it was good. Not to brag, but I giggled a bit to myself, so it regular me fashion here is the latest adventures in Doryland followed by a bit of fun.
Adventures:

• Attended Your A Good Man Charlie Brown cast party (attempting to chat-up older man and finding out more than I ever wanted to know about Tony Carter ensued)
• Got called back for Stage 2's Dearly Departed (quick readings ensued)
• Saw Grandma :) (fabric ensued)
  
• Got to see Charlie Brown perform (giggling ensued: Joe Spear sucking his thumb is the cutest freaking thing I've ever seen)
• Watched Zombieland with Marlena (laughed and lack of sleep ensued)
• Went to Logan to audition for Lyric (mild disappointment ensued)

And now a bit of fun. This is a segment I like to call, Dory's Dreams. As some of you know, I have some pretty entertaining dreams, some of them about mundane things that could happen but don't, others about celebrities. So here are my favorite celebrity dreams and one that does not involve a famous person but I think it will make you smile.

• Neil Diamond + 4th grade teacher= fun: This was my fist celebrity dream, I had it when I was about ten. I dreampt that Neil had agreed to perform at the High School auditorium (don't ask why) and a bunch of my elementary teachers were to be his back-up dancers, most notably a certain male teacher (remembered for his exotic pets) and my own 4th grade teacher (the one who taught Spannish). The latter was dressed in a sparkly dance costume with tassels and stuff. Anywho, our whole school was invited to the concert and for some reason my sister Bethany and I were recruited to be on Neil's stage crew. At the end of the concert Neil gave us each a quilt as a "thank you" gift. Unfortunately I lost mine that night and couldn't find it anywhere. I don't remember if I ever found it....anyway, it's also interesting to note that the Neil Diamond in my dream is not the salt-and-pepper-haired wrikly-smiling Neil Diamond of my turn of the century youth, he was in fact the long-haired, sparkly-skirted, leather-pants clad, braclet-wearing Neil Diamond of the 1970's (hence the need for back-up dancers)

• The Kenny B. Series: From about fifth to seventh grade I went through a Kenneth Brannagh-worshiping phase. I tried to watch every movie he ever made (not possible becasue some were rated "R"), I printed pictures of him off the internet for fun (that's what we did in 2000), and I nearly writhed in extasy when I found out he was in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. This adoration led to a series of three rather lame dreams.
  A. The one where he did an assembly at my school. B. The one where he held a religious service similar to a Catholic mass, after which my friends and I hung out with him in his dressing room. (Nothing happened, we just chilled). C. The one where he was a professor at my prep school and a friend and I helped him pick out a nice calculator (I think we chose the TI 83...the 89 wasn't out yet).

• Shatner: This may be the lamest one. I met William Shatner at a convention (not even a Star Trek convention, some kind of municipal-league-type convention) and I became his assistant for the day and followed him around helping him collect free food and swag.
  

• Professor Plum: I was trying to do these in chronological order, but I had to save this one for last even though it occured way before the Shatner dream. So, when I was a kid I got in an arguement over how much control we have over what we dream. My friends insisted that no one can help what they dream, dreams just happen; I continued to argue that dreams are a product of what we think about (a number of times I've drifted off thinking about a show or an important meeting to take place the next day and found myself dreaming about it). Not long after engaging in this arguement I happened to watch the movie Clue, in which Christopher Lloyd (of Back to the Future fame) plays Professor Plum, a psychiatrist who has inappropriate relationships with his patients. That night I had a dream that Christopher Lloyed (not professor plum, but Lloyd himself) was my psychiatrist, and we had, well, to put it nicely, an inappropriate relationship. (In my defence this was young, well-groomed Christopher Lloyd, not nasty Denis the Menace Christopher Lloyd). The next day I went to school and told my friends they were right. I was convinced they were right because if I could have chosen a celebrity to have that kind of dream about it would have been Branagh, or Hugh Grant, or Jude Law, or someone mildly attractive...like Pete Sampris, but no! It had to be Sodding Christopher Lloyd! So there, now you all know the Christopher Lloyd story. Glad I got that off my chest.
  

• The Mexican Car theif: I had this dream after I finally drifted off after staying awake for hours afraid of having Zombie dreams. I dreampt that my room mate and I pulled into a crappy hamburger stand run by a family of nice Mexicans. They gave us a free hamburger as part of a promotion, but we decided not to stay and eat there. So as part of a combined brain-fart we both walked to the wrong car which was a different model and color than my car. Just as we realized we had the wrong car I saw someone pull away in my car. We tracked him down, and found him at a chop shop with my car (luckily it was still in one piece) and interrogated the theif. He was the owner of the restaurant we had snubbed, and he had stolen the car for revenge, since we decided not to stay. I sat the guy down and yelled in his face, "why'd you take my car you mother f-er?" He said, "I'm sorry seniorita, I was angry at you, I didn't mean to steal it I was just so mad." So I continued to yell at him throwing in various explitives. He just kept cowering and apologizing until I woke up.
  

Random Photo Friday

This week's random photo comes from my senior year of High School. Some friends and I put together a tribute band to our favorite cello goth-rock group, Rasputina. We played two of their songs at senior talent night (alteres talent nacht ;) and put on a heck of a show if I do say so myself! And of course if you're gonna play cello goth rock, you better look cello goth rock, which should be enough to explain my outfit.

Stats

Yes, I realize it has been forever and a day since I actually updated this thing, and I'm sorry, but it would take even longer than that to post separate posts about what I've been doing since my last post so here are a few bullets of the big things and the "ensues" which were so popular in my last such post, plus some of my stats that might surprise you.

• Was in small musical, The Spitfire Grill, (much agitation ensued)
• Supervised wardrobe crew for production of Our Town whilst rehearsing Spitfire (much stress ensued)
• Got paid to supervise wardrobe crew for dance concert (money ensued!)
• Got hired to supervise wardrobe crews for whole spring season (money to ensue at a later date)
• Went home for Christmas!!! (Much festivity ensued)
  
• Got approved to work for the Shakespearean Festival in exchange for free housing (moving out of old apartment, leaving terrible, annoying, archaic room-mate behind ensued)
• Went back to school (having all the money sucked out of me ensued)

Stats:

1. Graduated 2008
2. Moved away from home 2 weeks after graduation
3. Worked only three jobs sins that time
4. Moved 8 times since graduating
5. lived with a total of 18 different women since graduating
6. Been in 3 legitimate plays since 2008
7. Worked for 2 different repertory companies since 2008
8. Never held a job that wasn't in the theater (barring that call center I worked at for a week)
9. Been on 4 dates since leaving high school
   
10. Had zero boyfriends in twenty years
11. Kissed 23 guys total, 20 of them in the same day ;)
12. Only ever had 1 cell phone