I kind of resent this thing about internet and social media culture where people talk about what needs to change and what everyone else needs to do and I was real mad about it then I decided that I should really get in on this since there is a lot of stuff that I want people to stop doing partly because I'm principled and partly because it would just make my life easier.
Stop Doing Drugs and Drinking
I don't know many people with substance abuse issues, but the few I know who experiment are really unhappy and super annoying to be around because they are so unhappy and want to argue about legalizing weed all the time. This issue also affects my job. I work in medical records. If a facility needs records that might contain records of treatment for substance abuse the patient has to sign a release that explicitly states it's okay to release that info. I have to deny tons of requests because a provider didn't get that signature or the release doesn't state the drug stuff. It's a huge pain in the butt.
Stop Looking at Porn
If it weren't for porn everyone's relationships would be way better. I'd say 90% of the women I know have had intimate relationships that were impacted by the use of porn. It's always a negative impact because real sex will never be as good as a porn fantasy. It also turns into one of the most addictive addictions there is and it's nigh impossible to detox from completely. Also it makes dating an awful mine field, I sit there trying to guage your suitors' involvement in the sex trade and to what extent it will lead them to abuse or ignore me. Also it leads to other weird behaviors that I then read about in records while trying to make sure there is no mention of drugs. So everyone stop it.
Stop Trying to Spell My Name
"Is that D-O-R-I?" Are the words I've hated hearing since I was old enough to spell my name, which I did often because I couldn't say my "R"s. I don't know why it is so hard for people to guess that my name is spelled with a "y" when Cory is often spelled the same way but with a "c." Worse than people misspelling my name is people asking me how to spell it when it clearly doesn't matter. On the phone with strangers I hear, "did you say Rory? Oh Dory, how do you spell that?" If you are calling me for work reasons I don't give a crap how you spell my name as long as you just tell me what you bloody well want so I can get on with my business. Oh and PS; just because it's a weird name doesn't mean it's spelled with as many superfluous letters as possible.
Make Shirts That Are Shirts!
I am so sick of the see-through fad!!!! Why should I pay the full price of a shirt for something that is either see-through, sleeveless, midriff-length, or in some other way not a full shirt? Not only is it a huge fanny ache to spend the same amount of money on less fabric and labor, I then have to spend more money on other shirts to make the original wearable. While I'm on this rant why did we stop selling shorts long enough to cover butt-cheeks and one-piece swim suits? I don't want to walk around with my pasty skin exposed all the time, and I don't want to have to pay $100 to cover myself with something that doesn't have thrift store smell.
Stop Taking Buzzfeed Quizzes and Posting Their Dumb GIF Lists
I'm a technology addict, by posting chains of nothing that pretend to be something you are enabling my addictive behaviors, shame on you. You know I can't resist finding out what type of Mexican food I am or which Marx brother I should have a baby with. Also think about how disappointed I get when I realize that all 17 of the 22.5 reasons mom's shouldn't be on Facebook are the same reason! You are setting a bad example for me!
Quit Pinning Grotesque Open Infected Wounds and Knarley Injuries
Who does this? Make up artists that's who. Yes it is important research for them, but why should I have to look at it? Get a freaking secret board like you have for your wedding and porn stuff (also get rid of your porn stuff). While I'm at it I might add quit pinning lame quotes and naked pictures posing as work outs. In fact let's all just pim recipes and T-shirt ideas.
Stop Correcting People About Bon Iver
I refuse to say it right because I think it's lame when people correct me, so I can't let them win. Who cares how you say it as long as you acknowledge the beauty of their haunting melodies. Just like Gotye (which I thought was a tongue-in cheek way to spell "gotcha" for the longest time) no matter how you say their name they are a paltry one-hit wonder.
Quit Telling Me What to Do on the Internet
I should not have to wade through this many political articles and social justice blogs to get to my beloved Buzzfeed trash. Buzzfeed may be turning me totally apathetic and banal but at least it doesn't criticize my life choices and try to convince me that every ill of society is the fault of the government or some bad system society had constructed, and can therfore be fixed by a government program or proof that everyone is wrong. Why should I believe in slash take the advice of the internet stranger who clearly would rather rant on about their inconveniences than actually live the way they want others to live?
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